The Blues

Well, leave it to me to start a blog during the most difficult time of year. Fall is for me, as Emily Dickinson wrote, full of that "certain slant of light" that seems to push me deep into despair. Okay, perhaps that is a little melodramatic. It causes me to feel distressed? All I know is that donning my slippers and furry bathrobe seems like effort. The days are much shorter, the light across the trees during my early morning walks seems bizarre- fake in cast and hue. The smells are melancholy, the cold air bites the skin. I am able to recognize how beautiful this season is but that recognition does little to help the doldrums. Some sadness from my childhood unresolved? Who knows. I do know I can barely muster the energy for the daily mundane chores- the energy I take for granted when I am feeling like my usual, human self. Unloading the dishwasher, grocery shopping, light cleaning, laundry, the fall plantings... I just want to go to BED!!! I do get them all done, so I am functioning, but not with the joyful gusto I am spoiled with during other times of the year.

So, why did I choose this time to bite off something new and a little daunting? AKA New Blog. Maybe it was hope. Maybe it was optimism. Or both. Either way, I wanted to commit to writing and posting every day but I just do not see this happening. Not until the snow starts flying! So, please be patient...

I am certain that millions of people suffer along with me on this sunlight deprived roller coaster and I guess I would like to say that we all should be extra kind and gentle with ourselves. In my younger days I could be really mean to myself when I would feel this way. I would say hateful, highly critical things. I learned over time that approach never makes things better. These days I just ride it out, knowing it will pass, as it always does. I nap. I eat well. I exercise when I can muster it. I get acupuncture treatments which do seem to help, maybe for no other reason than I feel like I am taking some sort of affirmative action. I love my people and expect them to love me back. I consider myself realistically and honestly when taking on new clients and/ or over extending myself with existing clients. This is very important. The work we do is sacred but it ceases to be when we are running on empty. Then it is at risk to become down right ugly and we become dangerous. Yes. That is what I said. Dangerous. So I chose to tread lightly with myself and I feel this is wise. And the blues? They pass... Sometimes faster. Sometimes slower. After all, I am a work in progress and no one ever said this life was going to be a bed of roses! That is all I have for today. ~TBM