Ladies and Gentleman,
This topic will be revisited as many times as it takes to change things. I feel this is a nice starting point.
I have learned in my life that it is impossible to demand respect from others if we do not have it for ourselves. Even on a good day, when we are feeling like we have some self respect to spare, there are folks out there who will still try REALLY hard to treat us well, like shit. ( I decided I am going to swear a lot on here. I do not swear in my life so this is great fun for me.)
As midwives, doulas, activists, birth workers and women we must work doubly hard to prove our worth. OH!!! You thought that was all behind us? You thought the seventies had taken care of all of that? HAHAHAHA!!! Then answer me this: why are we so absolutely terrified of money??
Why are we so hesitant to ask for what we are worth? To charge a reasonable rate for the services we provide? Anyone who has been to a birth, (leaning over a tub for hours at a time, hands being squeezed so hard you fear for some moments your bones might shatter -without food or water for long stretches into the night), KNOWS that we earn every red cent we charge. That was the doulas perspective of course. Do not get me started on what the average homebirth midwife makes an hour because it is well... it is PATHETIC.
I recently attended a hospital birth as a doula. It was a failed induction (big surprise) that lasted for four days. FOUR DAYS. I slept in my SUV, (thanking the stars above that I had an SUV and not a Mini Cooper), in the parking lot, in shifts. I cared a great deal for my client. It was her first baby and she was an intellectual. I remember saying to her, "Step away from the book. NOW. Go take a nap. You are walking away from the book." I don't think I need to tell you I spent at least an hour a day with her either via phone or e-mail for weeks and weeks. Which was great because by the time the "birth day" was "scheduled" we were very close and I knew her subtle nuances. This made it easier for me to support her in an intuitive way which is the best way, in my opinion. (We will talk about DONA later)
BUT. I came home exhausted and disheartened because once again I had to watch the "machine" that is hospital birth in action. I had to tolerate the eye rolls and the, "And why are you here exactly? What is a DOULA??" I felt sad and frightened for the future of all the unborn babies and mamas. But mostly I felt exhausted. The kind of drained and sleepy that takes several days to get over. David, my partner thought it would be helpful to point out that after all was said and done I had made about $0.50 an hour for all of my loving care. Thank you honey!! ;) Yes, it is true. Fifty cents. An hour. There were about 30 seconds of time where that knowledge made me feel like a pretty good person. After all, I do this work because I am passionate about it and because I know it is important work. I also know that I am not Mother Theresa and that I do not wish to be a martyr. I know it is not healthy. I know better. The TRUTH of my occupation is this: if I were not blessed with a man in my life who is willing and able to care for us financially and in a certain style, I would be in HUGE trouble. I do not mind telling you that I like the finer things in this life!
Even if I did not though: I, working as a doula full time, would not be in a position to pay the most basic bills required to sustain life on this planet. Perhaps, without David, I would be forced to pick up another job part time, maybe even full time and I am certain I would hate said job and resent that job- which would ultimately detract from my ability to be the doula I am today. Catch 22? Maybe. Maybe not.
I would like to see us begin to truly evaluate our belief systems where money is concerned. What are our beliefs exactly? Do we feel, collectively that if we ask for more money we are bad women? That our values are all effed up? That is we can somehow make a comfortable living as birth workers that we "are in it for the money"? I think all of this is worth some time and consideration. We need more doulas. As it stands there are only a hand full of us who are willing to tolerate things as they are.
As for me: I am ready to stop being afraid of money. I acknowledge that it is part of life and it is VERY MUCH needed in this life. We cannot live without it. Much like air. Do we feel we are bad people for asking for our fair share of healthy, clean air to breathe? Do we all acknowledge that without this air we are doomed to sickness and failure? Not to mention a quality of life that far below sub par? Isn't it sort of the same thing? Yes. It is. So. Let us come together and forge a number we all can live with. When I say "live" I mean, pay our bills and still have enough left over for a facial and some new undies. Maybe a little vacation next year? WOW! What an idea! xox ~TBM
Thank you! I recently wrote a blog post, which a friend read, and subsequently stated I am only in the market for helping women with money, and should call my business "Birth Takes a Wealthy Vilalge". Thanks for this validating post!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.birthtakesavillage.com/bringing-midwifery-doulas-and-birth-conversation-to-the-mainstream/
I will check it out! It is reassuring to know there are other like minded birth ladies out there. I take your stance to mean that you are a balanced and healthy individual. It always amazes me that folks balk at paying birth workers. We just helped your child come into the world and you do not want to pay us? Really?
ReplyDeleteCheers!
I need to establish a few things. Firstly, the client I mention in the above post in no way, shape or form balked at paying me. She was one of the most responsible and accountable clients I have ever had the pleasure of supporting. She is the minority though. More often than not we have to beg and plead for the small fees we charge. I just do not want the above post to misconstrued due to my comment below Jessica's post.
ReplyDelete